There is no system to finding the one.
I’m not going to pretend and say, yes you just have to do these 3 things for 100 straight days and poof! He or she will magically appear. Love just doesn’t work that way my friends.
But with that said, there are many things that you can be doing which will hands down increase your chances of attracting this person into your life.
And it all starts with 2 very important words that carry so much weight and so much meaning and so much self development that you’ve got to pay attention to take notes on this episode….the most important love you’ll ever achieve in your life is your self love for yourself.
Everything stems from self love.
Your relationship boundaries stem from self love. Your sexiness and confidence stem from your self love. Your communication in a relationship stems from the communication with yourself.
Boundaries in a relationship start with the boundaries you create in your friendships, and in your work life, and also in your workout routine.
Setting boundaries clearly with the people in your life will make it much clearer to decide who stays and who can make a respectful exit. That’s right, there is no need to beg people to stay in your life.
Self love starts with teaching people how to love you.
Self love starts with teaching people how to love and treat you. You don’t need to convince anyone to love you. Setting boundaries starts with leaving situations that don’t see your worth.
However, be mindful that as you begin setting boundaries, you will start to lose people and that’s OK. Let them go.
Self love is self awareness – brutal honesty with yourself
This is something I lacked back in my 20s when I was dating. Here’s an example….I didn’t realize that I was driving guys away by being so insecure in myself. I craved knowing where they were all the time, even though they hadn’t given me reason to not trust them. I craved their attention all the time. I didn’t even know myself and I was projecting my lack of self love and self development onto them.
And that is why I fell so unbelievably hard when my first boyfriend broke up with me. The real reason is because I wasn’t ok with myself. I wasn’t ok with being by myself.
Does any of this sound familiar? Do you see yourself in my story?
What role do our insecurities play?
You have to be honest with yourself about what you want, but not based on insecurities from your past.
Be honest with what you want. Self awareness is knowing when you’re lying to yourself. It’s also knowing when to let go and walk away. Self awareness is knowing your own personal relationship red flags.
What are yours? Do you romanticize a relationship before it starts? It’s OK to do this to a point but if every guy you meet becomes the prince charming that’s going to whisk you off your feet then that may mean you’re ignoring the potential red flags in front of your face and dreaming away your agenda in la la land.
Or maybe you judge a book by its cover and never give the man or woman a fair chance because of one thing they said one night at dinner or their lack of communicating something that you THOUGHT should be better communicated. Stop judging and start asking. You want mature communication then give it.
Or maybe you disillusion yourself with stories that you have playing in your mind where there’s a greater connection than what there really is in reality. Signs can do that for us. People have a universal way of how you met someone or the thing that they did by showing affection towards your family or listening – stop romanticizing these signs. Look at the facts baby girl not the hope or novela going on in our head.
You gotta know who the F you are.
Someone who is confused about what they want will easily make you feel confused about your worth. Accept that it’s always YOU. even if yo’re in a relationship – you don’t enter into a relationship and 2 become one nor in a marriage – you’re still you’re individual self! So you might as well get good at being you.
That means accepting you and your flaws. And doubling down on your strengths. You’re human, you have flaws – but how much time are you wasting focusing on them? Don’t – this will destroy your self love game. This tremendously raises your self confidence game.
Tip – do hard things. This helps to raise your belief in yourself. Go outside of your comfort zone. Do things alone. Go scuba diving, take a cooking class, take a dance class, join free clubs in your local community, . this helps build your character and self confidence.
You gotta love yourself at the level that you’d expect someone to love you.
You want someone to love you at your lowest and your highest, you want someone to love you on your bad days and your happy days, then why don’t you do the same with yourself first?
You don’t have control over other people and whether or not they stay or see your worth, but do you have control over loving yourself and how you feel about yourself through showing it to yourself everyday.
Where does love for yourself show up on a daily basis?
Is it in your consistent morning routine? Is it in how you move your body and lead an active lifestyle? Is it in how you slow down and give yourself a “check in” point during the day to breathe and free your mind of work and life? Is it in how you feed your body? Is it in how you journal or collect your thoughts everyday and say mantras?
In order to attract the best, you first must become the best version of yourself. Instead of resisting the process, try enjoying the process; it makes it all that much easier.
