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What to do and what NOT to do when they don’t text you back

What to do and what NOT to do when they don’t text you back

You see the dots, meaning they’re texting back…

So you wait and see.

Wait another hour… maybe two.

And nothing shows up. The hours turn into days and then possibly weeks. 

This is unfortunately common in dating. But, now what do you do??

Let’s be honest, no great love story ever started with: “he wasn’t texting me back for days and then a week later after I drowned him with texts and missed calls, did he finally come to his senses and realized that I was the one and he picked up the phone, told me he loved me, and the rest is history!”

Said no one ever.

Jokes aside, it can be a very emotional invoking situation where usually most people are left anxious, perplexed and down right annoyed. 

What to do (and NOT to do) after they don’t text you back

In order to prevent you from falling for an irrational fairytale of why he or she isn’t texting you, or potentially doing and saying something that you’ll come to regret one day (or both!), let’s break down very simply what NOT to do when you don’t get the text back and also what TO DO.

  1. Do not write a text to confirm whether or not they got your last text. “Hey! Just wanted to see if my last text went through. Hope your day is going well!” This is 2023. Of course they got your text.
  2.  Avoid overthinking. It’s easy to jump to conclusions or create scenarios in your head about why they haven’t responded, but this likely will spiral you into negative thinking.
  3. Do not write a text or call acting as if nothing happened. This essentially shows the other person that you don’t respect yourself. You warrant a response. 
  4. Reflect on content. Revisit your last message – was it clear? Did it require a response? 
  5. Do NOT get on the apps immediately and try to find another date. Let’s not let our insecurities run the show here. If it’s someone who has been consistent with texting from the very beginning, then give a little bit more time before rushing on to the next.
  1. Evaluate your expectations and relationship with his person. Is it reasonable to expect a timely response? Everyone’s communication style and priorities differ. 
  2. Do NOT call. You are not their mother. There is no need for you to know anything about their whereabouts, who they’re with, nor what they’re doing. If they wanted you to know, then they would have told you. If you think they’re not texting because they’re in danger, that is 99.99% unlikely. 
  3. Do NOT follow the mindset – “I gotta text him because he never texts first.” Don’t make yourself convenient, make yourself irreplaceable. Remember, no one is you and now if he doesn’t see that, then move it along.
  4. Do not text them because you’re bored. Go out with friends, go out by yourself, but do not resort to texting due to the fact that you didn’t make other plans. You’ll regret it.
  5. Acceptance. Sometimes people’s reasons for not responding, most of the time, have nothing to do with you and it’s merely a reflection of what they’re prioritizing right now in their life.

There are some exceptions, though

If there is not much investment, then there are exceptions to this rule. For example: you have been chatting on and off again and and you have not been on a date yet with this person – ergo not much investment, then consider waiting a few days and reaching back out.

This is when it would be fine to send a follow up text days later saying, “Happy Saturday. Off to the gym now to feel more awake for the day!” Or “just binged on 3 episodes of Suits. Thinking of switching careers now lol.” 

Make it humorous and informative, about what you’re doing, so that they can engage and share what they’re doing.

While digital communication plays a significant role in all our of our lives, it also can come with challenges. Remember that it’s essential to develop resilience and not base your self worth on digital responses. 

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